Category Archives: Communication

Vindicated

When I thought about how I was going to share this story, I ran into a sort of dilemma. I wanted to make sure I used the most appropriate word to describe what my son had experienced, what he had accomplished, and how he was feeling. I have always had issues with writing, and have had to put constant effort in being able to express what I was thinking in my head. I know now, that it will take several words to capture this great moment in my son’s life. Really, it was a great moment for all of us. We thank you for stopping bye, and hope you enjoy! Continue reading

Story Time

The winter season gives us a perfect excuse to huddle together and share some of our memories with our little ones. Read on and see why we are planning on making this a regular practice. – The Warrior Family


TWF Blog Stamp

The winter here in VA keeps the temperatures down, and the snuggle time high. This gives me the perfect excuse to setup a nice fire in the family room, and kick back with my lovely wife. The other evening, we were joined by our two boys. Earlier that day, I had told them a story about my childhood, and they wanted to to hear more. Initially, I hesitated. I just wanted to sit back, enjoy my drink, and, have some quiet time with my wife – but they insisted. This, at first, kind of annoyed me. Continue reading

Break the Silence! : A simple way close the communication gap!

The cold shoulder

One of the hardest things to maintain, and usually one of the first things that falls apart in a relationship is communication. Whenever we get upset with someone, we are often quick to give the cold shoulder, and bed down next to each other without saying our routine “goodnight”, or the “I love you” – but why? Not speaking to the person we care about most is the exactopposite of what we should do when times are rough. However, if you’re like me, this can sometimes feel like one of the hardest things you could possibly do.

The TDY Backburner

In the military community, having to go on temporary duty status (TDY) usually causes several mixed emotions in the household. Much of this is because of how easy it is to lose focus when you are removed from what’s most important to you, and are required to perform exceptionally well for a school, job, or any other task that you can think of. Going on TDY usually involves you having to go out of town, staying for a period of a few days to a few weeks, and typically requires more than one person – so naturally, once the job is done, people are going to want to hang out, and talk about their experiences.
My most recent experience with going on TDY was attending the United States Army Drill Sergeant School, and I’ll be honest, I wasn’t on my best behavior. After class was over, I’d study, do some exercise, and then go out to have dinner with my friends. Initially this was ok, until the dinner bill started stacking up; the phone calls home were less frequent; and what should have been my main priority (my wife and kids) had been placed on the TDY back burner. This, my friends, was no Bueno!
The end result was a very cold atmosphere to say the least. Conversations were awkward, car rides were often too quiet, and I had a hard time enjoying my family, mainly because I felt like such a dirt-bag for treating them this way. This was especially true when I could see just how much my boys had missed me, THEY WERE ALL OVER ME! My wife, however, was not the happiest.

Why she is better than me

The awkwardness continued for a few more days, and we eventually hit somewhat of a breaking point. That is when my wife did something that probably saved our relationship, and showed me exactly how dedicated she was to me as a wife.

In the past, we have been blessed with the opportunity to attend many marriage seminars at the expense of the military. My wife and I would volunteer to go to these as often as we could – we both seemed to understand the importance of educating yourself of how to keep a marriage strong. One of the tools that we picked up at these seminars was shared to us by another couple. Whenever these two would have problems communicating, they would buy a card at the store, and write a message to their spouse stating why they loved them that day. When they were done, they would hide the card somewhere creative so that at some point throughout the day, the other person would find it, and be reminded of how the other felt about them. This would do several things:

• It opened lines of communication between the couple
• It would brighten up the persons day
• It shows that the person leaving the message is actually WILLING to put forth some effort toward strengthening the relationship

Often times, that little bit of extra effort is all that your relationship needs!

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.”- unknown

We actually kept this card to use as a reminder of how bad things can get, and that with dedication, even the TOUGHESTof times can be worked through! (We’ll post an update with a photo for you in the future)
Try it!

So, if you’re in a similar situation, and want to open lines of communication again, give this a try! The initial message can state how the card is supposed to work, followed by your first entry – why you love your spouse that day. BE CREATIVE! Hide the card in their gym bag, their favorite book, underwear drawer, or sneak out and tape it to their steering wheel. Remember, in the end, it’s the effort the two of you put into fixing the communication issue that will make your relationship stronger than it was before. I know in my case, when we see things getting unnecessarily awkward, we are much quicker to talk things out than we were before. Plus, sometimes, it’s just something nice to do for the one that matters most to you.

Guidelines on Character, and tips to help teach Character

 

What is Character?

 

Character is the essence of a person, their inner truth, what they they actually are. A person’s character is based on their mental and moral qualities – who they are behind closed doors. A person can be successful in many areas in their life but without sound character, much like a home which has a cracked foundation, you will eventually crumble from the stresses of everyday life.

Character is not something that happens, it is something which is developed over a lifetime. To develop this in ourselves and our families, we have to take an honest look at what motivates us. Is it our values and beliefs or is it our desire to live up to a certain reputation? On that note, lets talk about the difference of character, and reputation. Abraham Lincoln gives a fitting example for this, “Character is like a tree, and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing”. We should make sure that what we truly value in life, our core beliefs, are what guide us in our decision making process and not reputation – reputation is merely a product of our character.

Reputation is what men say about you on your tombstone; character is what the angels say about you before the throne of God.” – William Hersey Davis

 

Here are some helpful guidelines on character that I have recently read about and had a brief discussion about with my sons. Now, I can confidently say that I am a man of moral character; however, it is important to me that I continue to approach life with an open mind and to continue to improve myself as well as my family.

 

Have integrity

Things like common decency are not as common as we’d like them to be. The lack of integrity in today’s world is a crutch that we must remove. But what is integrity? Integrity is being honest to others, being honest to and about yourself, both inside, and outside.

Teaching integrity to our kids is best done by setting the example. However, there will come a time where you must sit your kids down, and have a long discussion on the subject. Author John C. Maxwell provides us with good questions to help measure your integrity. Ask yourself (or your kids):

1. How well do I treat people from whom I can gain nothing?

2. Do I role-play based on the person(s) I am with?

3. Do I quickly admit wrongdoing without being pressed to do so?

4. When I have something to say about people, do I talk to them or about them?

Using these questions could help you guide your discussion with your child. Recently, I had an evaluation of my own integrity. These questions brought to light several things which I would like to work on, and which I would like to share with my children.

 

Be accountable for your actions (character)

It is important that we understand that your actions, your integrity, and your character should not be guided by your circumstances. No matter what walk of life we come from, we have the freedom to make the decision whether we want to do right by others, or do wrong by others.

 

“Your circumstances are responsible for your character as a mirror is for your looks”. -John C Maxwell

 

Pay your dues by helping others

Sir Wilfred T. Grenfell said it best, “The service we render to others is really the rent we pay for room on this earth.” The bottom line is this: if we are not ready to render service to others, why should anyone (life itself) render service to us. The more positive effort we put forth in our life, the more likely we will experience positive outcomes.

Do what you should before you do what you want!

Part of being a person with sound character is having a good work ethic. Often times, we get caught up in the daily grind we call life. You’ll find that if you put first things first, you will achieve success in life. Zig Ziglar had a good outlook on this topic, “When you do the things you have to do when you have to do them, the day will come when you can do the things you want to do when you want to do them.”

In our earlier posts, we discussed how to improve focus, and minimize distractions so we can improve our quality of life. Part of this is making sure that we prioritize our lives, and make sure we take care of the needs first, so that we can fully enjoy our wants!

We hope that this information has been insightful. If you would like more posts like this, leave us a comment! We’d be happy to share anything that we can with you!

 

Some material from this post can also be found in the book: Becoming a Person of Influence by John C. Maxwell & Jim Dornan. Maxwell Motivation Inc., California (1997). 

 

 

Make the effort, do your part, fight to make your family better. This is what we’re all about.

Fight on Friends! – The Warrior Family

__________

If you like what you read, add us on Google+, share us on Facebook, and like us on twitter @thewarriorfam.

Leave a Comment, Folks!

Doing Warrior Family type stuff? Post pictures on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, and add #thewarriorfamily !

Check out our Google+ page!

Like us on Facebook!

Constructive vs. Empty Praise

“Good job, Son!” … Sounds good, right?

Communicating with my two boys has been a hard lesson for me to learn. Thankfully, I have been put in situations where I have been taught to communicate in a way which will promote a desired end state.

What does all of that mean?

I learned that what I was giving my boys is known as Empty Praise. Essentially, the simple “good job” is not actually reinforcing the act that achieved the results. Often times, the pat on the back, or the “good job”, are used as a quick way to acknowledge our kids, and go on with our busy day.

This is not doing anything for your kids!

Bottom line, telling your kids “good job” often times just isn’t enough.

Ideally, what you want to do is praise the act or process that achieved the results. Sure, starting with “good job” is appropriate to acknowledge the accomplishment, but what follows is most important. Let us use the example of my son scoring 100% on a spelling test.

An example of Empty Praise would be: Continue reading

Break the Silence! : A simple way close the communication gap!

Before I begin, I’d like to thank all of you who have been viewing our posts! It inspires us each day when we see our page views grow, and grow. In fact, we are already at 2,000 views! 

Keep sharing our content, and pass it on to your friends. You never know who could use the advice. Pretty much everything that we share with you are things that have worked for us personally, or that have been passed down to us by a friend.

Also, Make sure you sign up for our mailing list by entering your email address using the web view (this may not be available in the mobile view). Once again friends, Thank You! – The Warrior Family

_____________________________________

The cold shoulder

One of the hardest things to maintain, and usually one of the first things that falls apart in a relationship is communication. Whenever we get upset with someone, we are often quick to give the cold shoulder, and bed down next to each other without saying our routine “goodnight”, or the “I love you” – but why? Not speaking to the person we care about most is the exact opposite of what we should do when times are rough. However, if you’re like me, this can sometimes feel like one of the hardest things you could possibly do.

The TDY Backburner


In the military community, having to go on temporary duty status (TDY) usually causes several mixed emotions in the household. Much of this is because of how easy it is to lose focus when you are removed from what’s most important to you, and are required to perform exceptionally well for a school, job, or any other task that you can think of. Going on TDY usually involves you having to go out of town, staying for a period of a few days to a few weeks, and typically requires more than one person – so naturally, once the job is done, people are going to want to hang out, and talk about their experiences.
My most recent experience with going on TDY was attending the United States Army Drill Sergeant School, and I’ll be honest, I wasn’t on my best behavior. After class was over, I’d study, do some exercise, and then go out to have dinner with my friends. Initially this was ok, until the dinner bill started stacking up; the phone calls home were less frequent; and what should have been my main priory (my wife and kids) had been placed on the TDY back burner. This, my friends, was no Bueno!
The end result was a very cold atmosphere to say the least. Conversations were awkward, car rides were often too quiet, and I had a hard time enjoying my family, mainly because I felt like such a dirt-bag for treating them this way.  This was especially true when I could see just how much my boys had missed me, THEY WERE ALL OVER ME! My wife, however, was not the happiest.

Why she is better than me


The awkwardness continued for a few more days, and we eventually hit somewhat of a breaking point. That is when my wife did something that probably saved our relationship, and showed me exactly how dedicated she was to me as a wife.
In the past, we have been blessed with the opportunity to attend many marriage seminars at the expense of the military. My wife and I would volunteer to go to these as often as we could – we both seemed to understand the importance of educating yourself of how to keep a marriage strong. One of the tools that we picked up at these seminars was shared to us by another couple. Whenever these two would have problems communicating, they would buy a card at the store, and write a message to their spouse stating why they loved them that day. When they were done, they would hide the card somewhere creative so that at some point throughout the day, the other person would find it, and be reminded of how the other felt about them. This would do several things:

  • It opened lines of communication between the couple
  • It would brighten up the persons day
  • It shows that the person leaving the message is actually WILLING to put forth some effort toward strengthening the relationship

 

Often times, that little bit of extra effort is all that your relationship needs!


“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.”- unknown

We actually kept this card to use as a reminder of how bad things can get, and that with dedication, even the TOUGHESTof times can be worked through! (We’ll post an update with a photo for you in the future)

Try it! 

So, if you’re in a similar situation, and want to open lines of communication again, give this a try! The initial message can state how the card is supposed to work, followed by your first entry – why you love your spouse that day. BE CREATIVE! Hide the card in their gym bag, their favorite book, underwear drawer, or sneak out and tape it to their steering wheel. Remember, in the end, it’s the effort the two of you put into fixing the communication issue that will make your relationship stronger than it was before. I know in my case, when we see things getting unnecessarily awkward, we are much quicker to talk things out than we were before. Plus, sometimes, it’s just something nice to do for the one that matters most to you.
Make the effort, do your part, fight to make your family better.
This is what we’re all about. 

Fight on friends! – The Warrior Family
__________
If you like what you read, add us on Google+, share us on Facebook, and like us on twitter @thewarriorfam.


Leave a Comment, Folks!


Doing Warrior Family type stuff? Post pictures on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, and add #thewarriorfamily !

Check out our Google+ page!

Like us on Facebook!

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